My first car

 

At last I have retired.

Don’t get me wrong. It is not from employment, for I have retired a number of times from formal employment. My first retirement was in 1993 followed by another in 2000, yet another in 2005. I am still gainfully employed and by the look of things it may continue so long as I am able to crawl to the Office which incidentally is a 6 by 10 feet of a room in my home, equipped with a PC and WIFI facilities.  Yes, I am one of the lucky few who could work from home even before the arrival of Covid 19 and the unpredictable SOP’s.

But the retirement I am talking about is retirement from being a handyman around the house which is the lot of husbands I know. Whatever the repairs at home be it plumbing, gardening, masonry, or electrical work I was the first port of call for my wife. The repairman is only called if I botched up the work. Usually the bills are higher than what they would have charged if the work was handled by them from the start. The reason is obvious as the repairman is envious of my knowledge and wishes to punish me for undermining his chances to make some money. My wife is certain it is because I have caused more damage to the item needing repairs.

I have more tools than many tradesmen. The gardener and the plumber are often surprised and envious when they look at the assortment of tools that I have. This is credited to my sons who lived overseas and got me tools from the DIY shops in their respective countries. I also happen to be fortunate to have the services of my ex-boss who is a DIY expert who prefers to spend his spare time at DIY outlets and hardware shops, not only within Malaysia but also at places we travel. Following him I have bought a parang from Long Prabang, a sickle to cut banana leaves when they dry from Cochin to name a few.

 Whatever the repair problem my friend is ever willing to hear me out and provides solutions online or over the phone. If the problem is complicated and I am unable to complete the job with his expert advice he would not hesitate to rush over to my home to sort out the problem. Like the time when my Flymo Electric Mover failed to start. I took the machine to two repair shops one in Rawang and another in Petaling Garden. One look at the machine and they admitted they do not do electric movers.  An SOS was sent to my friend. He spent less than 10 minutes and declared the drive belt has given way. Fortunately, I had stock of a drive belt and handed it to my friend. What seemed a complicated exercise appeared like child’s play in his hands and the machine came alive in no time.

 But this time around I have to give up for my inability or unwillingness to update my knowledge.  This lack of new skills was pointed out by my neighbourhood electrician. He is an interesting guy who is an ex teacher who used to dabble with anything electrical. After his retirement he made his hobby a vocation and by the looks of it is successful as he is good at his job and is honest. I needed a change of bulb and asked the electrician for a bulb of 80 watts. He asked me why I wanted an 80 watt A shaped bulb that produces more heat than actual light. More-over the A shaped bulbs are being phased out in most countries. He suggested I take a 20watt LED bulb which is energy saving and lights up better.

My next ignorance came up when I asked for a bulb with a bayonet cap base or Twist and lock bulbs compared to the screw   base. The base is the point where the bulb makes electrical contact with the fixture.    These bayonet- based bulbs were originally from the UK and we inherited the desire for the bayonet-based bulbs owing to our Colonial past. My electrician said that the bayonet-based bulbs are also being phased out and he does not stock them. He only has the screw base and I need to modify the table lamp fixture to accommodate the screw bulb. Not believing in him I went around a few electrical stores and was disappointed at the total absence of this bayonet base bulbs.

 A second opportunity for retirement came up more recently when I was cleaning the ceiling fan blades. I was perched at the highest rung of the folding ladder attempting to clean the ceiling fan. It was simply a case of carelessness on my part and nothing to do with defective tools. I stretched out to clean the blade of the fan when the ladder gave way at the top fold. I then realized I had not locked the collapsible ladder at the top rung. The safety locks at every third rung is to ensure the safety of the user. Being the confident user, I took for granted the locks have been in place and apparently, they were not. I must say I was lucky: fell in between two pieces of glass furniture and a TV set. If I had fallen on the TV set or on the glass furniture, I may not be around to tell my tale.

I cannot forget the lectures I got from my children, siblings, relatives and well-meaning friends and so my career as an handyman has woefully come to an end.